actually...i still don't really know why m i writing in blogs...like there's someone reading it??really doubt so..maybe is just a way for me to talk to myself, to tell myself what's actually on mind, and to tell myself what i've done recently before i got lost in my own world...i still don't understand...really don't...not yet...basically, i'm always not really clear about anything..nothing in fact...why??

never get into love when you meant to break a heart

never look into the eyes when you meant to lie

promises are meant to be keep

wishes are only meant to be fulfilled

scars will never heal, they will only be forgotten

hearts are not meant to be played with

lies are only meant to hurt

sorry is nothing but a word

AND love always have the last words...

woke up rather early that morning, took a stroll down the beach, and was surprise to find out that a group of fishermen just came back from the sea, looking at their hard work, those fishes on the sand seems pretty helpless...well...i stood there and watched them slaughtered the fishes with no mercy given...kinda brutal...kinda cruel...but well..that's life

when i was still a kid, one of my fav. hobby is actually climbing trees, whatever tree it is, i'll be able to lay my hands on it and make sure i'll get to the top, but there is one that i fail to do so...i hate coconut trees, they are sooooo difficult to climb unless with the help of certain tools...but usually when i was back at my grands, i'll be spending most of my time at the orchard and plantation behind the house, there are like durian trees, rambutan trees, rubber trees, coconut trees and some others that i don't know the names...well, it was really great fun back then, climbing up takes loads of effort but when you're up there, it's a whole new point of view...despite the red ants that are often pissed off by me appearence...lazing there doing nothing has always been really nice...gosh...i'm really really gonna miss those times...growing up sucks...

DONT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS
COVER....

nobody is UGLY
This is sooo sad , please think of this everytime
you decide to be awful to someone who isn't
as "cool" or "popular" or "pretty" as you are-
remember, making fun of someone just
shows
how insecure you really are!

Dear Diary
They told me that I was the ugliest thing
they'd
ever
seen, and i started to cry.
I went home and Jake called me.
I thought the day would get better.
But he told me that long distance
relationships don’t work out.
He lived in California, and I moved to
Michigan.
Then I told him I loved him and that I missed
him.
He told me that the only reason he ever went
out with me was because I was a joke, and he was dared to.
Then he dumped me.
We were going out for two and a half years!

November 9,1999

Today got a little better.
I miss jake so much you dont even know
diary!!!!
But he even changed his number so I
wouldn't call him.
But the most hottest guy at school asked me
to the dance!
And those prissy girls that said im ugly let me
hang out with them
at lunch today. It was cool!!

November 10,1999

I'm crying right now... turns out that hot guy
was a jerk at the dance he poured his punch on me,

and those girls ripped my dress and everyone
started laughing. Then my grandma told me today that mom
and dad got in a little car accident today at work.
They're in critical condition, they might die.
I can't write anymore.

November 11, 1999

Todays a saturday... but me and grandma
were at the hospital all night long.
Dad died this morning.
Mom is going to live, but she's crippled for
her life. I wanna die too.

While we were at the hospital
grandma found out that she had
cancer in her stomach. She has to go on chemo-therapy.
I can’t believe daddy died.
I'm crying more then I have my whole life.
I'm in shock.
I can’t write...I'm too tired.
I need sleep.

November 12

Daddy is not dead!
He can't be!
Its all a dream.
My life is perfect.
Jake still loves me.
I can barely write.
I'm crying too much.
I wanna die.
Take me.
Bye...
*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

One day later, Lisa was found dead in her
basement.
She had hung herself with a yellow rope.
I am her mother.
My name is Maranda Gonzalez.
 
Please remember that everyone needs love.

Everyone needs a hug everyday.

No one should be made fun of, or insulted.
No one deserves to die like Lisa did.

All of you please dont be the popular prissy
girls that put other people down to make themselves feel better!

Please dont be the awful posessed date for
the dance that makes people cry.

i remember this trip to kuala terengganu, we spent most of our time taking pictures everywhere, damn, wasted hell alot of films...the locals are like staring at us like we're some kinda aliens from outer space...but it was really fun, the pictures turned out to be better than what i've expected...bravos!!!

i'm engage now...writing a special research interest paper about good and evil through the view of existentialism, regreted totally for choosing this topic, damn, was really really tough for me to read through all the philosophical material and the understanding part made it even worst!!!So what's existentialism?if you look through its definition online or in books, you'll get sentences like " it is the title of the set of philosophical ideals that emphasizes the existence of human being, the lack of meaning and purpose in life and also the solitude of human existence where it maintains existence precedes essence " bla bla bla, well, seriously, i think i'm a lil' slow in the brain, thus it took me almost 15 minutes to understand what the hell it's trying to tell me. And finally, i realise it can be put into simpler words like " existentialism is all about yourself, whatever you think you are in your mind, you are!! " the writing part's difficult because my understanding of the entire reading material seems to take forever, and i've gotta put everything into my own words to avoid plagiarism.....

The origins of good & evil is rather vague in the sense that should it be overlook from the very beginning of where life started, which is during the Paleolithic era somewhat at 100,000-40,000 BC?? Or when civilisation started?? Basically, there are no certain measurements on what’s good and evil during the Palaeolithic era, human beings underwent a slow and long course of physical evolutions, as for mental evolutions, the strongest will win and there’s no such thing as good and evil. What were counted are your survival skills, be it you have to kill others to survive or be killed for others to survive. So…is it that those you killed deserve to die because they’re evil? And you deserve to kill and survive because you’re good? Absolutely not! Through out the entire history of mankind, we have been brought up that certain things are considered good and others are Evil (or the Devil tries to tempt us into following his ways). The problem with defining these concepts is that each religion or life philosophy seems to have their own understanding for each one. What may be incredibly evil to you, could be perfectly good for another person. And there’s another fact is that good & evil revolves into more varied and complex expressions through history. Despite these, as around the world there are a variety of cultures with an assortment of religious beliefs and systems, each beliefs and systems have their own perceptions on what’s good and what’s evil. The diversity is great, some are polytheism, some monotheism, some are animalistic, some are elemental, and some has no forms. But no matter what the diversity is, they all believed in the existence of good and evil, yet they do not separate out good and evil. For example, Taoism, it considers all things in the universe, whether viewed as good or evil, to be within the cosmic plan or mind that some call "God". In other words, in some views, "God" is simply a term to describe the entire universe and all its aspects, whether good or evil.

'All is duality. Everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same. Opposites are identical but different in degree. Opposites are only two extremes of the same thing, with many varying degrees between.'

i took this picture when i was on school trip to Kuala Terengganu last year...life's there really simple, beyond my imagination...sometimes to think back, isn't this the life that everyone wants?? No worries...near to mother nature...only using the most basic neccesities...why are we all engage to the life we have now?? everyone's in KL...congested traffic...lotsa cars...tall buildings...signs of development everywhere,well, i've always believed that we will go back someday...one day

during the UMNO general meeting recently, our most beloved higher education minister Datuk Dr. Mohd. Shafie Mohd. Salleh came out with the fact that as long as he's still in power, he shall not allow any non-bumiputra students to pursue further education in University Technology of MARA, and also not forgetting to ensure us that he'll be very certain of the amount of bumiputrta students in local universities will definitely exceed the quota of 55% no matter we like it or not...well...i was kinda speechless when i saw the news report about this, as a matter of fact, he's not the only cabinet minister that came out with speeches ignoring how other races might feel over it. Our beloved ex-minister of arts, culture and heritage had questioned patrotism in the chinese race over the issue of not hanging flags on merdeka day...

since merdeka 47 years ago, our country had carried out numerous campaignsand activities to achieve nation's unity among all races, yet all these can be ruined by the extremist ideas that our beloved cabinet ministers had announced....eventually...blood shed...terrorism...racist issues...till infinity...